Day 10 – Rest (kind of) and a bit about grief.
Today’s plan was a restful day… well sort of. After a trip to the supermarket we went to visit the beautiful Hofgarten, just a short walk from where we were staying. As we enjoyed the gardens the play area and games with the tennis ball we were active, but it was restorative which is possibly the best kind of rest you can hope for when you have children. The sunshine, quietness, mountain splendour and beauty of spring is a welcome contrast to the busyness of Rome.
The afternoon was spent at the local swimming pool – can you take a 9 and 11 year old on holiday without going swimming? For the amount of fun they had it was worth carrying the extra stuff and even the walk to the local pool was beautiful.
What I really loved about this day though was how we finished it – attending a proper touristy Tyrolian evening where we heard songs and saw performances traditional to the area. The night finished with the performers singing a song from every nation represented in the room. It turns out it was a very diverse international audience. What was even more special was that people would stand up when their country song was sung and the rest of the room would cheer. A group of strangers all celebrating each other’s cultures. A reminder of the joy of connection and how we have more in common than we do difference was really moving.
A dose of joy and hope which is so refreshing in the modern world and so good for my children to experience – seeing it feels so much more powerful than just talking about it at home.
Julie
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PS On grief…. what I hadn’t expected in the evening was home a performer playing my grandmother’s favourite song using a violin bow on a saw would set off a wave of grief. my grandmother died a long time ago. She came from Switzerland although throughout my life she had lived in the UK. Austrian culture is different to Switzerland, but there are also some strong similarities. Being here feels like a connection to some of my that part of my heritage. It’s bitter sweet but beautiful. It’s funny how grief catches you unawares!
Day 11 – When courage “drives the bus.”
This year my question to myself has been “What if courage is driving the bus?” I’m generally quite risk averse and this question has really helped me on the days when that has the potential to hold me back.
Today we were going to the Top of Innsbruck via a funicular and two cable cars which required me to put aside my dislike of heights and swing from what appears to be some sort of tiny rope in a small capsule packed with other human beings. It also required me to do this without showing any of the inner turmoil i was feeling so that my children access this experience.
I’m proud of the fact I did it and I’m reminded that courage doesn’t mean doing things that are rash but it does help me to do things which feel scary yet are worthwhile. I’m learning to trust courage more as I know it also listens to reason. I wonder where else it might take me?
To spend Easter Sunday at the top of a mountain with stunning views, watching my children have a snowball fight was a really special experience. I realized that there is something in me which relishes a regular fix of mountains like this.
This trip has taken a lot of energy, but it’s also given so much too.
Julie
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Day 12 – Running out of spoons
If you’ve not yet encountered spoon theory it’s a great way to explain personal energy and resources. Initially used with people with chronic illness it’s a way to describe how you start the day with a number of “spoons” (or energy) and different types of activity cost a certain number of spoons. When you’re out of spoons you can’t do any more.
Today was the day we all ran out of spoons! The trigger was no working lockers for all our luggage at Innsbruck station. We had packed up our Air BnB, knowing we have a longish day before we catch the night train home and wanted to leave our luggage somewhere and have a day out.
A helpful person at the station directed to a local luggage storage and we went to hunt for a bus, but we’d just missed it! We decided to walk – another 20 mins with luggage.
Then we had to figure out the storage system which took more spoons than we had available. When one person ran out of spoons their emotional overwhelm had a domino effect and it was probably the most stressful moment of our trip. I’ll spare the details, but 4 stressed and overwhelmed people stuck in the middle of a strange city isn’t great, however beautiful the city was.
We managed to pull ourselves together enough to head to the Alpine zoo. The walk without luggage along the river soothing our nervous systems a little!
We still had a lovely time at the zoo – apart from the incident where one of the children got a splinter in their hand (anyone who has had the joy of picking splinters out of their child will know how this is not the ideal task when you’re feeling a little fragile). I also think we’d lost a bit of the carefreeness of this trip.
It would be easy to let it mar the experience, but it was actually a small moment in the midst of an amazing adventure. It’s also real life and I don’t know many families who don’t have crunch points when they spend a lot of time away together. I guess the real question is how do handle it when things go wrong – how well do we set things right or repair relationships?
As I ponder what I can learn from this there were definitely some reflections to be had about communication for us as the adults. There’s also the question of which of our needs did we overlook earlier that might have helped us redirect when things were getting tricky? So often as parents we’re better at meeting our children’s needs, but it can be costly when we overlook our own in order to do this.
Julie
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Day 13 – When you miss your connection
In order for me to get back to my school job in time for the start of term we had to cover a long distance as effectively as possible which is why we were booked onto the Nightjet train.
We’ve covered a lot of miles by train and the latest any train has run is about 10 minutes…….until now. 4 hours after we had been due to arrive in Amsterdam we finally made it – too late for our Eurostar Connection. What I now know is that the train companies are part of an agreement whereby if you’re late on one train the next company will do their best to get you onto the next available train. We actually only arrived back in the UK an hour later than we’d originally planned. I wish I’d known this sooner as I’d have worried less!
Anyway this was a functional day. Our couchette on the Night jet was actually ok, although the hard seat bed and the loud arrivals on the train at 3am weren’t conducive to a good night’s sleep. It was lovely to travel in the day time in our own little cabin. Whilst I wouldn’t rush to do it again I would consider it as a means of getting from a to b. With our inter rail tickets it only cost us 124 euros for the night so it’s a highly cost effective way to travel.
Back to back trains wasn’t ideal – we lost the downtime we’d planned for lunch in Amsterdam, but what I was proud of was how we all dug deep, cheered each other on and made the best of the situation we were in.
So it’s back home, to washing and our everyday routines – we’re thankful to return to the familiar, but also treasuring some amazing memories.
I wonder where we’ll go next time?
Julie
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Julie is an ICF accredited coach who offers vital thinking space to busy parents navigating a variety of needs in their family. She’s passionate about children growing up experiencing acceptance, belonging and connection. Her background includes working with young people in education, as a foster carer and being a mum. She is very experienced in the additional challenges some young people experience including SEN, neurodiversity and trauma
You can find out more about her work at www.optimumparentandfamily.co.uk
#parenting #behaviour #communication #coaching #learning #emotionalintelligence #dysregulation