I’ve wanted to visit Rome for as long as I can remember, but for various reasons, it hasn’t happened—until now. This year, I’m excited to share that not only do we have a trip to Rome booked, but we’re going Interrailing, with stops in Amsterdam, Nuremberg, Vienna, Venice, Rome, and Innsbruck.
Why might you be interested in our trip? Because we’re also taking our two children, one of whom finds change, unfamiliar settings, and busy crowds overwhelming.
You might be wondering if this holiday of multiple destinations and busy cities is the best idea. I ask myself that question too.
But here’s the thing: there are so many experiences that can be enriching, even if they’re deeply uncomfortable. I don’t want my children to miss out on opportunities just because they find certain things uncomfortable. On the flip side, I don’t want them to be forced into situations that are deeply unpleasant or distressing. It’s the age-old tightrope walk for parents, especially for those whose children find everyday situations challenging.
So, how do we give them the skills to make the most of opportunities without overwhelming or distressing them?
This blog is all about the preparation we’ve done to work toward this trip being a positive experience for our whole family.
To be truly authentic, I’m writing this before we leave, not knowing if it will work. Because, let’s face it, it’s easy to write with hindsight—and I might end up falling flat on my face, which is just another reality of parenting. I’ll share the outcomes with you in future posts!
Here’s what our approach to preparing for our big adventure with a child who finds new, unfamiliar, and busy environments difficult:
1. This is Long-Term Work
The preparation for this holiday didn’t start recently—it began years ago. When we noticed one of our children struggling with holidays, we began finding ways to help them feel safer. We’re lucky in that every year, we take a family “holiday” to a familiar place, which provides a restful environment. Alongside that, we’ve made a habit of going on “adventures.” While holidays might be relaxing, adventures are exciting and unknown and we’ve worked on establishing the difference so it’s clear what to expect and that this is a different kind of good.
2. Start Small
When we first began our adventures, we would only go for one or two nights. This made it manageable for both us and our children. A longer trip would have been too much to handle at the time – for them and us. Starting small gave us all the capacity to stretch and adjust without it being too overwhelming.
3. Same but Different
For our early adventures, we stayed in Premier Inns, which are similar wherever you go. This made it easier for our child to feel a sense of familiarity, even in a new location. When everything else feels new, this small bit of consistency helped them feel more grounded. This was crucial to learning adventures could be good and not just scary.
4. Brain plasticity and building on success
We know that brains are constantly learning and ultimately looking to keep us safe. So, successful adventures mean that the brain learns that while things might feel scary at first, they can also be really fun. We make sure that each adventure includes something our children love, so there’s a positive experience tied to the challenge. Great memories are created along the way and the pathway in the brain has hopefully strengthened that adventures are good!
5. Managing my own expectations
After getting very excited about a trip to London, I didn’t fully consider how overwhelming the busy atmosphere would be for my child. I had to quickly recalibrate my expectations that day. This is something I’m familiar with now—knowing that I need to be the calm, supportive person. It’s vital to remember that I’m there to help create an oasis amidst the chaos. If I go into the trip expecting to relax or have everything go my way, I’ll be disappointed. I also try to plan for quiet moments and spaces to recharge, so this trip includes designated chill time. I’ve learned to keep my expectations in check and embrace what we can do, knowing that some things will need to be saved for future trips.
6. Giving your child a voice
Allowing my child to have input in the planning process has been incredibly helpful. For our interrailing trip, I’ve shown them a selection of Airbnb options and asked for their input on where they’d feel comfortable. Giving them a voice in the decisions helps them feel like they’re part of the process, rather than just being dragged along, which can reduce anxiety. (And, yes, sometimes their top priority is booking a place with Netflix and a big TV!)
7. Have a clear visual plan
When I prepare children for school trips in my day job, we often use social stories to help them visualize the experience. For this trip, I’ve created a PowerPoint with a daily plan that outlines what will happen and where we’ll go. My children will have a copy of this plan, and they can ask as many questions as they like. We’ve looked at pictures online and discussed what to expect, so the plan feels as familiar as possible before we even get there.
8. Knowing what they need when things get wobbly
Part of our packing includes comfort items like fluffy blankets, calming music, fidget toys, and other reassuring items. We’ll have these readily available, no matter where we are. I’ve also made sure to choose accommodation close to parks or natural areas, so we can escape into nature, even in a big city. And for me? I’ve bought a thermos flask so I’ll always have a cup of tea on hand, because most challenges are easier to handle with a cup of tea nearby!
In a few weeks, I might be writing to you about our epic disaster of a trip and the lessons I’ve learned from it. I hope not! I hope I’ll have lots of positive stories to share from our adventures. Of course, there will be surprises, but isn’t that life? And isn’t that how we want our children to grow and develop?
Wish me luck!
Coaching can make a huge difference when you know your child is navigating challenges, but you’re not sure how best to support them and you need clarity and confidence.
If you’re ready to take action, whether for yourself or your family, maybe it’s time to explore what might be holding you back and find ways forward. To start the conversation follow the link to book a free initial consultation.
Julie is an ICF accredited coach who offers vital thinking space to busy parents. She’s passionate about children growing up experiencing acceptance, belonging and connection. Her background includes working with young people in education, as a foster carer and being a mum. She is very experienced in the additional challenges some young people experience including SEN, neurodiversity and trauma
You can find out more about her work at www.optimumparentandfamily.co.uk
#parenting #behaviour #communication #coaching #learning #emotionalintelligence #dysregulation
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