Day 7 – Living in a paradox
Today has included visiting the Colosseum which has been on my Bucket List for a while. This adventure is amazing – we have loved all the places we’ve been so far and I’m so glad we’re doing this. Yet, at the same time I really miss home and all the familiar things.
It’s like two opposites pulling in different directions. Similar to my love of routine and structure vs my hatred of being tied down!!
The older I get the more I realise how much of life is a paradox. Parenting is a constant paradox – wishing you could get to the stage where you have more freedom, yet wanting to press pause to stop them growing up so fast.
What I’m noticing is I’m learning to live in that tension better – two seemingly opposing things can coexist and I can sit with that without needing to fix it, box it or criticise myself. Perhaps age is bringing learning as well as grey hairs! I can notice the mixed emotions and still enjoy the bits I’m enjoying.
If I can pass that onto my children to learn sooner than I did then maybe that will save them a lot of angst.
Julie
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Day 8 – You can’t have a wild wee at the Vatican!
I was expecting today to be a wow day – we visited the Spanish Steps (beautiful yet busy) and this afternoon was The Vatican. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. In my mind I thought this might feel like a more spiritual or meaningful experience. However, as I found myself herded with crowds of people through vast collections of antiquities and rooms with impressive artwork there was something missing for me.
Despite our “skip the queue” tickets and my research into how long it takes to get in it was a much longer process than expected and with one child desperate for the loo there was added pressure. It’s one thing taking a wild wee at the park if you’re caught short, but I’m fairly confident it’s not ok outside the Vatican!
By the time we made it inside my youngest was fed up and frustrated. These are the moments when I know my response as the adult will make and break how the rest of the day goes. It’s so tempting to nag and point out logically what a great opportunity this is, but my child knew that – they weren’t enjoying their bad mood either! What was needed was me to dig into patience, offer connection, understanding, and support (and finding a quietish corner to pause and regroup). I’ve learned this one the hard way, but I’m glad I have at least learned it! It took time and there was no guarantee it would work, but we managed to shift back to a better mood.
I’m glad I’ve been to the Vatican, yet it wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be.
One person’s “wow” isn’t everyone’s and it’s interesting to notice where sometimes our expectations can impact our experience so whilst today was memorable and one of the top things I wanted to do on this trip I don’t think it will be my favourite one.
Julie
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PS In the interests of full transparency my strategies to support my 9 year old also include offering Haribo and a promise/bribe of some football cards to sweeten the mood which helped after we discussed things which would give them a lift. I was really proud of their efforts to manage their mood though and afterwards they actually observed they didn’t need me to actually buy the cards. I still did because I’d promised them!
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Day 9 – Expectations vs reality
Today was an early start and another long train journey – 473 miles in 8 hours. I was delighted with myself when I planned the trip because I’d worked out that we could split the journey in half and sneak in a couple of hours in Verona.
However, what I hadn’t anticipated was the long, unmoving queue and the ridiculous cost for leaving your luggage at the station and the distance to the town centre. 20 minutes walk feels a long way when you have all your luggage with you!
So, instead of a nice lunch in Verona and a quick view of some of the sites we ended up walking 20 minutes to McDonald’s, eating an average meal in a quite nice location and walking back to catch our train.
It was a bit disappointing, but it could have felt a lot worse. I think this is where managing expectations has been so important. Yes, I’d have loved to have seen more of Verona but in reality I knew things wouldn’t always go to plan on this trip and we wouldn’t get to everything we hoped for.
So instead I’m pausing to notice the wins. One of the things that I can see has changed in me from when I was younger is being able to hold plans more loosely. I think parenting has been a massive part of this journey as well as living through a global pandemic. It’s a relief not to feel such intensive disappointment at life’s inevitable hiccups. It’s also nice to notice those moments when you reap the benefit of lots of personal development work!
On a high note – arriving in Innsbruck we discovered we are just surrounded by mountains! It’s stunning and I am struck by the contrast of nature’s beauty to all the man made beauty I experienced yesterday. Somehow this does something for me that all the treasures in the Vatican couldn’t!
Julie
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Julie is an ICF accredited coach who offers vital thinking space to busy parents. She’s passionate about children growing up experiencing acceptance, belonging and connection. Her background includes working with young people in education, as a foster carer and being a mum. She is very experienced in the additional challenges some young people experience including SEN, neurodiversity and trauma
You can find out more about her work at www.optimumparentandfamily.co.uk
#parenting #behaviour #communication #coaching #learning #emotionalintelligence #dysregulation