When you look at what’s coming up for you and your child in coming years it can feel scary.
Especially if they’re getting more independent or not on the same path as most of their peers.
Knowing there are risks, but not being able to protect them.
Knowing they will make mistakes, but not wanting to see them suffer.
Hearing stories of terrible experiences some families have experienced.
No wonder it’s easy to fall into catastrophizing when you face a difficult issue. The mind easily fast forwards from the issue you face in that moment to something horrific or irreversible which will scar your family forever.
I know I do it
I know other people do it – I’ve listened to parents with children of every age track a trajectory from their current worry to a much worse situation.
The difficulty is when we’re loaded with the fears of disaster whilst actually dealing with a relatively small issue it can skew our perspective.
You might not be able to help which thoughts slide into your head, but here’s a couple of things you can do when you’re faced with them:
1. Voice your fears.
There’s no better reality check than saying them out loud to someone you trust. I’ve listened to parents worrying that their epic battles to get their 3 year old to put shoes on means they’ll be visiting them in prison later on in life or their teenager’s clothing will mean they’ll end up a drug addled sex worker. When they’ve actually said it out loud it’s highlighted that perhaps that fear is disproportionate to what’s going on. There are many fears which I’ve voiced to my husband which have sounded ridiculous once they’re out loud. Others have been more real. Perspective enables you to make much better parenting decisions.
2. Find small steps.
When you’re dealing with something which feels huge and overwhelming it’s probably a sign it needs breaking into smaller steps. This is where coaching can be so helpful. You may be dealing with lots of variables outside of your control.
As a mum of a tween one of my current challenges navigating the online world I find this pretty overwhelming. I know it can be a very damaging place, but I know that to hold back too much can cause social isolation. There’s a lot in this which feels out of my control.
It’s great to see Smartphone Free Childhood gaining momentum. I think change is coming, but I don’t know when or what it will look like. Right now I have to navigate parenting a young person who wants to connect with their friends alongside the dangers of the digital world. There’s no manual for this. I can’t fully plan for what’s ahead, but I know catastrophizing doesn’t help. The most helpful thing to focus on is what I can do now.
So when you’re faced with that overwhelm here’s two questions to reflect on:
– What’s specifically worrying you?
– What do you need to do today?
What have you found helpful when you’ve felt overwhelmed by the bigger picture?
Julie is an ICF accredited coach who offers vital thinking space to busy parents. She’s passionate about children growing up experiencing acceptance, belonging and connection. Her background includes working with young people in education, as a foster carer and being a mum. She is very experienced in the additional challenges some young people experience including SEN, neurodivergence and trauma
You can follow the link to book a free initial consultation with her.
You can find out more about her work at www.optimumparentandfamily.co.uk